Top 10 Legal Drugs That Will Soon Be Illegal (Thanks to the Man!)

In a country ruled by the Man, there are very few drugs that have remained legal. You see, in the Man’s world anything that brings pleasure—or makes your lifer easier or more tolerable—must be regarded with the utmost skepticism. From marijuana to Spanish fly, the Man has reached his buzz-killing hand across America since forever, plucking out any substance that He fears you may be enjoying too much.

Believe it or not, the Man hasn’t made everything you love illegal. But don’t you worry, the Man is tireless in his efforts to make your life as mundane as possible and eventually nothing you enjoy will remain untouched by his party-pooping fingers. Until then, I’m going to try and give you a heads up. Here is a list of the top 10 “Drugs” that will soon be illegal.

10) MindGasm Shot


MindGasm Shot is an herbal energy drink designed to make hanging out at the clubs a little more enjoyable by enhancing your energy, while also increasing your natural sensitivity to touch. You’d best enjoy as many MindGasms as you can, before the Man catches wind of it.

CLAIM: “MindGasm Shot may take up to two hours to reach its peak stimulation and it is a good idea to take it about an hour before you head out to a club or for a date.”

9) Sandman Party Powder


Sure it’s dangerous to drive while using Sandman Party Powder and, granted, it hasn’t been approved by the FDA. But that shouldn’t stop you from taking advantage of its libido increasing functions, before the Man pulls it from the shelf.

CLAIM: “Sandman Party Powder gets you in the right mood. Being referred to as one of the legal highs, it practically gets you all grooved up for the big event.”

8) Kresa Erection


While the Man is busy waiting for his prescription of Viagra, you’d better hope he doesn’t find out about Kresa Erection, an herbal blend designed to give you the same results without the prescription. The Man hates short cuts (unless He’s using them), so use this one while you can.

CLAIM: “KresaRx is a natural herbal powder designed to rapidly increase the power and size of your erection and give you a more intense and satisfying sexual experience not only for you, but for your partner as well, by increasing your sexual stamina and performance, as well as size of your penis.”

7) GH Release


Having trouble sleeping? Is your sex life lagging? Are you finding it increasingly difficult to mentally relax? “GOOD!” says the Man. So, whatever you do, don’t let Him find out about GH Release, which purports to fix what’s ailing you.

CLAIM: “GH Release is a natural alternative to ‘other substances’ that gives you the same feeling of relaxation and mental stability.”

6) Stack Rush Ephedra Free Stimulant


So, the Man has made crystal meth illegal, while leaving you with Starbucks to get you through that overnight Vegas run. Well, Stack Rush Ephedra Free Stimulant is offering an alternative…at least until the Man finds out.

CLAIM: “Discontinue use [of Stack Rush Ephedra Free Stimulant] and call a health professional immediately if you experience rapid heartbeat, dizziness, severe headache, shortness of breath, or other similar symptoms.”

5) Femtia


The Man “knows” he is the most seductive thing on three legs, so don’t tell him he needs help getting a woman ready for “business”—and yet, that’s exactly what Femtia is trying to do. This drug is actually intended to increase a woman’s libido. The Man can do that Himself, thank you very much, so look for this drug to be banned sooner rather than later.

CLAIM: “For most women, Femtia will increase sexual energy, sensitivity, and desire when taken on a consistent daily basis as well as increasing the intensity of orgasms.”

4) Dream Weaver


The Man loves you to be alert and anxious, as it’s the ideal mental state to insure you’re hating life. This is why Dream Weaver, an all-natural tranquilizer designed for relieving stress, will surely be on the Man’s radar soon enough.

CLAIM: “Dream Weaver is an all-natural formula blended with the highest quality stress relieving ingredients.”

3) Rave – Energy and Mind Stimulator


Rave is a verb and a legal party drug all rolled into one. When it’s not confusing The Man with it’s quaint grammar usefulness, Rave also claims to make your partying even better, minus the hangover effect.

CLAIM: “There are no known side-effects to taking Rave as it is completely natural. However, you should avoid taking the pills whilst on any medication or if you are pregnant.”

2) Zan-X


The Man loves Xanax, primarily because it’s a highly profitable prescription drug that relieves anxiety. So, you can imagine he won’t be to happy to learn about Zan-X, an alternative that claims to be similar to the general class of benzodiazepine drugs used for general anxiety. And, of course, you can buy it without a prescription, which will certainly leave the Man cross.

CLAIM: “When used before bedtime, Zan-X may help boost free IGF-1, a hormone necessary to maintain youthful cellular function throughout the body.”

1) Big Daddy – Legal Ecstasy Party Pills


Tired of trying to score ecstasy for that all night rave? So is the Man. But, what he doesn’t seem to know about yet is Big Daddy-Legal Ecstasy Party Pills. This legal alternative almost definitely will disappear once the Man finds out how much you love it.

CLAIM: “Big Daddy is a potent blend of natural stimulants, that optimize energy, maximize clarity, and keeps you alert and in the mood, for all night raving with fast and loud music.”

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